EATING MY WORDS
OR
VOMITORIUM
Tickets in my fifth grade class are good thing. When correct answers surface, I give out tickets. When appropriate behavior is modeled, more tickets are handed out. And when misbehaviors are present, tickets are taken away. But…what are tickets really good for?
In a word – store. Once in awhile, I have an auction and I sell stuff to the kids. Stuff to you and me might be garbage, or junk, but to my huddled, ticket-accumulating masses, stuff is muy excelente. But there is one other thing tickets can do. They can get my cherubs lunch with me. For a mere one-hundred and fifty tickets I buy them lunch. (A right answer usually lands a kid five tickets, bringing a box of Kleenex snags twenty-five more, going to the bathroom costs them ten tickets.) Lunch means a meal at Burger King, Round or Table Pizza. This costs me about twenty bucks and that adds up after a bit. Soooooo, I thought I’d bump the lunch number up to two-hundred and fifty.
Bedlam, anger, and resentment ensued. One of my sharp fifth-graders girls complained.
“Mr. Karrer, that isn’t fair. And you always said one of the few places we’d find fairness on the whole planet is here in room forty-four.”
I thought I’d better come up with a quick dodge, and throw a barrier in her way.
“Mykel,” I said, “Since the fifth-grade California state test requires a persuasive, five paragraph essay, write one for me. An essay that convinces me of the correctness of your complaint.
She gave me a dirty look, turned away, and I thought that was the end of it. Plus, I thought, There isn’t a THING she could write that would convince me to keep on shelling out big bucks for them.
The next day she presented me with this letter.
"Why Mr. Karrer Should Lower Prices to Have Lunch From 250 To 150"
By Mykel W.
Mr. Karrer, last year the ticket price to have lunch was 150 tickets. The kids on the attached petition and I would like it lowered for the following reasons.
Ticket prices are extremely high and many kids can not afford to have lunch with you. The school lunch is mostly… the Spanish word we taught you - abregado. (naaaasty) So many kids would like to have lunch with you. If they can not afford it than you are causing them to eat school lunch which is causing problems in their health and appetite.
Another reason is because you have copied the other teacher Mr. F. I know he is your friend, but that is no reason at all to copy him. You are just being a copycat of your friend.
One last reason is I’m sure you’ve had it at 150 for years. Why should you change a good tradition now? This school year isn’t the best year to change it. The world is changing, but why should your good tradition?
I have given you three absolutely good reasons why you should lower prices down from 250 to 150. Mr. Karrer, could you do your class a favor and rethink it .
* Petition attached has over half the class’names on it.”
I laughed out loud when I read this. The class turned and silently watched me. Nervous smiles pressed their lips gauging me. Mykel squirmed in her seat.
“Mykel,” I said. “This is super!”
She beamed, relieved. “Well? Do we get a reduced ticket price?”
“Let me think about it.” I said and added, “You really think school lunch is horrid?”
Alejandro, a lovable character, shook his head. “Remember that Roman word you taught us?”
“Which Roman word?” I asked.
“Vomitorium, the place where rich Romans could go to barf at their feasts? Well, our cafeteria needs a vomitorium!”
The class howled with satisfaction. I had to join them, and then the class smelled victory.
The kids know one of my favorite rules. Humor wins, especially in an essay.
“You rotten kids win. One-hundred and fifty tickets it is!”
They erupted with delight.
As for me… It appears I have to eat my words for a measly one-hundred and fifty tickets.