First, you should acknowledge this is a very perilous, high-risk endeavor. Woolly Mammoth do not like to be shaved, shampooed nor hair-cut and it is most difficult to get them near an electrical outlet. The alternative, of course, is to trim them by hand – which may be unsettling at best or insurance-co-payment-inducing in the worse case scenario.

   However, if you are fortunate to get an UWM (Unshaved Woolley Mammoth) near an outlet a few other problems will immediately arise. 

    Upon first reflection, you will notice that UWM are somewhat taller than the normal humanoid. Therefore, some type of height-gaining-contraption is recommended. A thing called a ladder would help. But often they are in short supply on the vast tundra or not in the vicinity of an unsuspecting UWM when the ladder is located.

    If luck is with you and you are fortunate to have an outlet, a ladder, and a docile UWM you will be confronted with another issue. Most UWM have hair somewhat akin to a devout Rastafarian- you know, matted twisted, looooong locks. Most difficult to untangle. Some humanoid female-woolly-mammoth-hair-specialists confide that this is an opportune time to suggest use of hair conditioner. Coconut is recommended as it masks the musk. But this is decidedly unfavorable with large male mammoths as they are quite proud of their fragrance. More than a few take umbrage with this and have been known to become unpleasant when even near anything approximating coconuts.

     A variety of cutting implements are recommended. A Clovis point obsidian spearhead is often the contrivance of choice. Other barbers prefer a Sandia, or Folsom point and note that flint or chert will do the job.  

      If one continues on this path to actually cut an UWM, it is best if the subject is snoozing. Light, cutting strokes are best. Cuts which do not awaken said lumbering beasts are preferred.  Leave eye areas for last, as they tend to be the most sensitive. And constantly be aware of the trunk and tusks. Either can inflict great damage upon the hair specialist.

      Mohawking, particularly with gel, although considered quite an accomplishment coupe for the hair specialist, is not advocated as most Woolly Mammoth are gregarious beasts and do not take lightly to group ridicule. The same goes for high-lighting. Pink for females may be okay but for males -frowned upon, except for a few brazen herds near the Northern California bay area. 

    In the end, after much reflection and many casualties, it is obvious that in general this undertaking should probably not be even considered.

     However, in the few rare exceptions where billing is actually agreed upon – the specialist has truly hit mammoth pay dirt.

     In the meantime, as most hair-care specialists have noted, – these colossal clients remain most difficult to come by.